Trumpville, USA | Under the Radar - Music Magazine

Trumpville, USA

As Narrated by John Baron, John Miller, Carolin Gallego, and David Dennison

Jun 26, 2019 By Steve King
Bookmark and Share


This is an Address from NPR: Nationalist Private Radio. No transcription of this broadcast will be made, as the Ministry of Labor has liquidated the Ministry of Education and reading has been outlawed. If you are able to read this, troops will be dispatched from the Ohio battlefront to arrest you immediately.

Barack Hussien Obama tried to ruin this country. This is to remind those of you who are listening of just how bad things got, and the vector reality was moving in before His Grace made this country Great Again. Since the old reality felt like a hallucination, it's easy to forget.

Obama's election was antithetical to the reality in which half of America lived. Once he was able to produce a realistic enough birth certificate, he was able to destroy American institutions and delegitimize politics. He was able to at once legitimize conspiracy theories and delegitimize all of them. American presidents have a certain Glow. They win by reflecting their bases. He was THE false positive. He was The Conspiracy. Obama was the ultimate Unreliable Narrator. An insult comic who wasn't fun. But one man's hero is another man's villain.

Obama spent his whole life doing terrible things in order to feel important, so when he was actually important he didn't know what to do. He was always the guy at the country club talking shit about all of his friends. Even becoming president didn't fix him. He could only feel superior if he made people feel inferior. He took pleasure in scamming the people who loved him and in ruining the lives of those who worked for him. He didn't need to adapt to the world. The world had to adapt to him. He was a cruel and unusual person; as in, not created by nature. There was no explanation for what he was. He was an aberration. A fluke. And his election was the greatest fraud in American history. He was the Tonya Harding of American presidents. He was the grand high wizard of Projection. He always came off as someone not smart enough to be playing president. A fake, a facsimile, a cheap knockoff. A one-hit wonder. A historic mistake. The American presidency is like looking in a mirror. You either like what you see, or you hate it.

Obama was stubborn to the point of delusion, and endlessly arrogant, yet deathly afraid of becoming another Herbert Hoover. Obama was the physical embodiment of everything one half of the county found to be horrific. Obama was a man so obsessed with projecting power that he didn't realize he had no respect for it, and thus diminished it. He wielded power without understanding it.

Obama's State of the Union speeches had to be spelled phonetically. Nothing was ever legal or ever cool. Nope. Cool was not the first word that came to mind when thinking about Obama. His inauguration crowds were the smallest. He was the ultimate Big Government Liberal. He tried to badger private companies into doing what he wanted, including keeping Nazis and conspiracy theorists on social media platforms. He warned of a market crash if he were to lose reelection, and said his supporters would demand that he serve more than two terms as president.

Obama was laughed at by world leaders on the floor of the United Nations. He couldn't go to a World War II memorial because it would have messed up his hair and makeup. He once held a glowing orb with Radical Muslim Extremists and walked up the stairs to Air Force One with toilet paper on his shoe. His presidency was almost undone by a porn star, whom he later called "horseface." He once said the moon was part of Mars, and kicked his own Chief of Staff out of the Oval Office for coughing during a televised interview. He called a political opponent Pocahontas, while making "Trail of Tears" jokes. His other enemies were Crooked, Silly, Sleepy, Crazy, and Little Rocket Man. He once called a congressman "Schitt" and a senator "Dick."

Obama didn't love drama. It loved him. The confirmation hearings for his Supreme Court nominees featured white power hand symbols and sexual references like "Devil's Triangle." His vapid, bougie, third(-world) wife never wanted to hold his hand. She wore insane jackets while visiting the immigrant children that her husband had placed in concentration camps. Child concentration camps. She decorated the White House for Christmas like a nightmarish cry for help. No one ever said "Merry Chrsitmas."

Obama wanted to give Iran a nuclear weapon and reimburse the Taliban for their travel expenses. Whitey Bulger loved him. He called a Princess "nasty" on video and then denied it. He built a non-existent, see-through wall that was solar-powered, and had black spikes on the top, but was also invisible. He wanted to pardon war criminals on Memorial Day. His own national security officials wouldn't share information with him, for fear he would leak it. He agreed with the North Korean dictator that Joe Biden was a low IQ person, much like his previous Secretary of State. After giving Senator John McCain the funeral he wanted, and without a word of thanks, his administration requested the USS McCain cover up and hide its name so it wouldn't anger him. For all his insanity when he invited Kanye West to rap in the Oval Office, Obama was the one to look at him as if he were a crazy person.

Obama classified spray cheese as a food. His administration called oil "molecules of freedom." He called House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy "Steve," and head of Apple, Tim Cook, "Tim Apple." He turned the 4th of July into his own holiday. When his campaign advisors gave him bad poll numbers, he fired them. He said that shooting immigrants would be "very effective."

Obama said that wind turbines caused cancer; his official Facebook account photoshopped his fingers to look longer; when the Notre Dame cathedral was burning down, he offered useless guidance. He said he was a young man when running for reelection. He loved golf. He had a golf simulator installed in the White House, along with a tanning bed. He had a plaque in a golf club calling himself the champion of a tournament that he never took part in. He once hit himself in the head with a golf club and asked the caddy if they did it. He threatened to get rid of judges he didn't like; tried to claim investigations were a "coup attempt;" and said babies were born while their mothers and doctors discussed whether or not to execute them. His own Cabinet officials were ready to invoke the 25th Amendment; he changed weather forecasts; he told his haters to "calm down and enjoy the ride." He had advice for George Washington. His supporters screamed for a dictator to end his opposition and they didn't care if he sprouted "a third dick up there." He said people thought he looked like Elvis while growing up. After his border patrol tear-gassed migrant families, he said that victims were "grabbers." After tornadoes tore Alabama apart, he signed bibles. He cursed more than any other president and hardly worked. Almost every stroke of the clock was "Executive Time." An email calling him "King" made its way to the Secretary of Veterans Affairs' desk. He invited a child to the State of the Union because they shared the same last name and the kid had been bullied. He once confused the movie Sicario for real life. He didn't know how to close an umbrella. He forgot the words to "God Bless America" and the National Anthem. On the holy day, Superbowl Sunday, he said the sacrilegious truth that he didn't want his children playing football.

Before the civil war, liberals, like journalists or writers of Fake News, had turned America into just another one of the many "shithole countries" in the world. They were the elites, and thus the Enemy of the People. They failed to recognize the power of "legitimized hatred." And who could forget the mail bombings and synagogue shootings committed by Obama supporters? Thankfully, the purges took care of all that...

There are more things in heaven and earth, listener, than are dreamt of in your Trumposophy. There was not one Objective Truth. Just like there was not one reality. There were many. No good. No evil. No right. No wrong. Truth was not truth. The law was not the law. Facts weren't real. The law was as malleable as reality. Truth, law, and reality are not black and white. There are multiple shades of gray. There are multiverses in multiverses. Some are even aware of each other, aware of what they could have been if only they had made better decisions. Facts are stubborn things, but never let the truth get in the way of a good story. The truth can be terrifying or hopeful, but people can't handle it being boring.

In the words of His Grace, Imperial Majesty, Father of the Motherland, Overlord of Vulcan, Dominus of Kronos, Regina Andor, Augustus Iaponius Centarius, God-Emperor Trump, "It's not what you look at, it's what you see"-and the libs never saw it coming. Some did, but they were the first to go. They were The Enemy of the People. After another landslide reelection, the democrat-globalist-media party tried to steal the 2024 election, and the God-Emperor was forced to finally dismantle the rigged elections and stay in office because it was the will of the people. He was forced to start a war with Iran, rather than let the United States fall into the hands of the New World Order and the Deep State.

Rather than risk war with the world's greatest superpower, Alaska was annexed to Russia, for which the God-Emperor was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. He successfully met and communicated with an underwater Prince and gave Queen Elizabeth the most fun she had in 25 years. Though hundreds of thousands of poor lives in Iran were extinguished in sudden, fiery agony, and higher gas prices ruined the American middle class, peace was achieved. He cured cancer and AIDS, and landed an American Man on the surface of Mars. And after the newly formed Space Force repelled the alien invasion, small towns and schools were renamed for their new savior, God-Emperor Trump.

The remaining American territories are a walled-in fortress now. There is no way in or out. One hundred years later we still live under his eye. The lights don't always stay on, and innocent people may occasionally be machine-gunned at public gatherings, but innocent is a strong word to throw around America. The air may be going bad but it tastes like Freedom. The seas may have consumed the east and west coasts, but at least it means there are less liberals in the world.

Where some see carnage, others see a new utopia. This is the reality you helped to create. And now, back by popular demand, for your listening pleasure, three hours of old recordings of the God-Emperor's speeches. Enjoy!

Support Under the Radar on Patreon.



Comments

Submit your comment

Name Required

Email Required, will not be published

URL

Remember my personal information
Notify me of follow-up comments?

Please enter the word you see in the image below:

There are no comments for this entry yet.