I`m not denying the women are foolish: God Almighty made them to match the men.
It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
Don`t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn`t start a conversation if it didn`t change once in a while.
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people`s habits.
When a man makes a woman his wife, it`s the highest compliment he can pay her, and it`s usually the last.
Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day.
Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made.
God created man and, finding him not sufficiently alone, gave him a companion to make him feel his solitude more keenly.
The friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
All my best thoughts were stolen by the ancients.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
You have to have a lot of patience to learn patience.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
America was not discovered by Americans - shame on them.
If clothes make the man, then naked men should have little or no impact on society.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn`t they`d be married too.
I call everyone `Darling` because I can`t remember their names.
Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
That woman speaks eight languages and can`t say “no” in any of them.
What they call `heart` is located far lower than the fourth waistcoat button.
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
There is only one thing to do for a man who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.
People need good lies. There are too many bad ones.
I`ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.
An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises.
You have to decide even to hesitate.
Getting divorced just because you don`t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
There are only two kinds of women, the plain and the coloured.
In love, somehow, a man`s heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place.
I`m opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
A husband is what`s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Love the quest; marriage the conquest; divorce the inquest.
The secret to humor is surprise.
If you can`t answer a man`s argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
I prefer the sign NO ENTRY to the one that says NO EXIT.
Great Britain and the United States are nations separated by a common language.
The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animals.
The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening.
There`s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn`t tell you about it?
You can`t do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth.
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Don`t tell your dreams. What if the Freudists come to power?
A woman will flirt with anybody in the world as long as other people are looking on.
A beautiful lie? Listen! That`s creativity.
Of all the noises known to man, opera is the most expensive.
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
The fundamental evil of the world arose from the fact that the good Lord has not created money enough.
The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
A bad cold wouldn`t be so annoying if it weren`t for the advice of our friends.
The only really happy folk are married women and single men.
Whoever thinks of going to bed before twelve o`clock is a scoundrel.
Prayer must never be answered: if it is, it ceases to be prayer and becomes correspondence.
God created man because he was so disappointed in the monkey.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
Thoughts, like fleas, jump from man to man, but they don`t bite everybody.
Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Watch out you don`t get crushed under somebody else`s wheel of fortune.
The older I get, the better I was.
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.
When a fellow says, “It is not the money but the principle of the thing,” it`s the money.
Sometimes you have to be silent to be heard.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don`t want, drink what you don`t like, and do what you`d rather not.
When you take stuff from one writer it`s plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it`s research.
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
Science is always wrong. It never solves a problem without creating ten more.
Divorces are made in heaven.
The letter of the law should be included in the alphabet.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.
Be careful about reading health books. You might die of a misprint.
When in doubt, tell the truth.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person three or four times.
I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
A woman isn`t complete without a man. But where do you find a man - a real man - these days?
I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.
If you do not know his language, you will never understand a foreigner`s silence.
It isn`t enough for you to love money - it`s also necessary that money should love you.
A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.
The fact that he died does not prove that he lived.
Humor is an almost physiological response to fear.
Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near.
Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it`s a mistake to make a habit out of it.
When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it`s only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it`s two hours. That`s relativity.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.
What keeps us on this globe except force of gravity?
The window to the world can be covered by a newspaper.
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice, which is still continued.
You would be surprised to hear a cow speak English. But believe me, after the tenth time you would resent the fact that it did not have an Oxford accent. Of course, if you could tell the difference.
Suppose you succeed in breaking the wall with your head. And what, then, will you do in the next cell?
I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty, I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
I never put off till tomorrow what I can do the day after.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Woman is at once apple and serpent.
Never do anything yourself that others can do for you.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there`s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Plan for the future, because that is where you are going to spend the rest of your life.
Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.
The first condition of immortality is death.
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
In some lands exile is the greatest punishment; in others, the greatest humanitarians should fight for it.
God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.
The bonds of wedlock are so heavy that it takes two to carry them - sometimes three.
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
On every summit you are on the brink of an abyss.
I generally avoid temptation unless I can`t resist it.
If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin, they would never have found the time to conquer the world.
How is it that little children are so intelligent and men so stupid? It must be education that does it.
Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places.
A gentleman is one who never strikes a woman without provocation.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Don`t be a snob. Never lie when the truth is more profitable.
Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.
Every saint has a past and every sinner a future.
When gossip grows old it becomes myth.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
A tired exclamation mark is a question mark.
I had my first woman and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I have never had time for tobacco since.
Creditors have better memories than debtors.
Journalism largely consists of saying “Lord Jones is Dead” to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
If you want to hide your face, walk naked.
Always do right. This will surprise some people and astonish the rest.
God in his wisdom made the fly and then forgot to tell us why.
Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
Man is fatally slow on the uptake; it always takes him until the next generation to understand what`s going on.
An unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones.
The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content.
A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.
In America, anyone can become president. That`s one of the risks you take.
Even the voice of conscience undergoes mutation.
Falling in love consists merely in uncorking the imagination and bottling the common sense.
Man - a creature made at the end of the week`s work when God was tired.
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or chemistry.
It is possible to make jam from dreams. All you have to add is fruit and sugar.
Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but religiously follows the new.
Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one`s wife`s sister`s husband.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Don`t give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can`t wear in the evening.
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn`t commit when he had the opportunity.
None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The records do not show that Adam and Eve were married.
Is it a progress if a cannibal uses knife and fork?
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
To whom should we marry freedom, to make it multiply?
He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
I don`t know if God exists, but it would be better for his reputation if he didn`t.
You can change your faith without changing gods. And vice versa.
If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.
He knows little who will tell his wife all he knows.
But in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.
A gentleman is any man who wouldn`t hit a woman with his hat on.
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
The books that everybody admires are those that nobody reads.
Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
Music played at weddings always reminds me of the music played for soldiers before they go into battle.
Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folks have left me.
Middle age is when you`ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.
Who knows what Columbus might have discovered had America not blocked his way!
To be an ideal guest, stay at home.
All which is not prose is verse; and all which is not verse is prose.
We find it easy to believe that praise is sincere: why should anyone lie in telling us the truth?
No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight.
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are “made in America.”
The only charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception necessary for both parties.
Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods.
Do not walk on the well-trodden path - you may slip.
An enemy is anyone who tells the truth about you.
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won`t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
A + B + C = Success if, A = Hard Work, B = Hard Play, C = Keeping your mouth shut.
I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
Being an optimist after you`ve got everything you want doesn`t count.
Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.
I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.
There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.
Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
The hardest task in a girl`s life is to prove to a man that his intentions are serious.
I like restraint, if it doesn`t go too far.
Ever since Eve started it all by offering Adam the apple, woman`s punishment has been to supply a man with food then suffer the consequences when it disagrees with him.
We are always doing something for posterity, but I would fain see posterity do something for us.
Remember, it`s as easy to marry a rich woman as a poor woman.
All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often.
I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
No man would listen to you talk if he didn`t know it was his turn next.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone may be looking.
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one`s hat keeps blowing off.
The habitually punctual make all their mistakes right on time.
There are three rules for writing a novel; unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
You will never win if you never begin.
I`ve been rich and I`ve been poor. Believe me, rich is better.
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
Never get married in college; it`s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you`ve already made one mistake.
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I`ve never tried before.
People who make history know nothing about history. You can see that in the sort of history they make.
The exit is usually where the entrance was.
A man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.
Bottom is bottom, even if it is turned upside down.
It`s not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what`s required.
Some would like to understand what they believe in. Others would like to believe in what they understand.
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess.
I believe I`ve found the missing link between animal and civilized man. It`s us.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn`t a sign that they “don`t understand” one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did; I ought to know because I`ve done it a thousand times.
I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.
The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be.
Always turn to strange gods; they will listen to you out of turn.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
A pessimist is one who has been intimately acquainted with an optimist.
The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it`s their fault.
Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.
When I`m good, I`m very good. But when I`m bad I`m better.
The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.

I watched this movie at the first official showing and I was really, really impressed. It deals with its serious issues in a very thoroughly and convincing manner, without ever becoming sentimental or depressing. It keeps the pace all through the movie, and the balance between the humor and the horror is subtle and touching. It has, however, rather many references to Norwegian culture, and therefore I am curious how the movie will work for an international audience.
“Rolex Submariner”