Nurse 3D
Studio: Lionsgate
Directed by Douglas Aarniokoski
Feb 07, 2014
Web Exclusive
Abby Russell (the rarely-appareled Paz de la Huerta) has made it her mission in life to impose vigilante justice on philandering men. When their wives are at home in bed or tending to their children, Abby prowls the clubs, tempting adulterous husbands with her see-through dresses and sending them to early graves when they capitulate to her seductions. By day, Abby is a nurse and mentor to newbie staff member Danni (Katrina Bowden). Abby’s role as advisor soon becomes sinister when she turns her libidinous eye upon her mentee. Danni rejects Abby’s advances (after a drug-induced one night stand) and, along with her boyfriend, falls victim to the spurned Abby’s deadly wrath.
To provide any real critical analysis of Nurse 3D would imply a level of intellectual debate not justifiable by the film. Abby, Danni, and everyone in their hospital exists in a hyper-sexualized, pulp-fiction world which never quite manages to sell itself. Nurse begs its viewers for a monumental amount of suspended disbelief, but it fails to provide enough grounds upon which to cast reason – and, frankly, any semblance of intelligent thought – aside. Only the most newly pubescent boy in the early stages of self-discovery would neglect such stark questions as: how come no one but Danni suspects Abby’s threat level? Why in this world doesn’t a single woman stand up for herself when being harassed? And how is it that an entire hospital full of police, security guards, and doctors remain unable to stop – let alone detect – a bloodied, wounded, murderous woman in platform shoes and a nearly transparent dress?
Taken at face value – which is the only way one can probably take Nurse – it still comes up short. Abby’s raison d’être is to locate and eliminate cheating men. Her near-instantaneous identification of Danni as her next victim, and her attempts to turn Danni’s faithful boyfriend into a lothario, contradict her modus operandi. Director Aarniokoski delivers little more than 80 minutes of bedroom material for 15 year old boys tired of the internet’s offerings, and any aspiring filmmaker will wonder how he got a reported $10 million budget to do so.
Author rating: 2/10
Average reader rating: 10/10
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September 10th 2018
8:16am
Nurse is one of those modern, pre-fabricated cult movies like The Human Centipede or Sharknado, designed to be talked about amongst friends though never truly satisfying as a genuinely interesting piece of exploitation cinema. Huerta towers over the film about nursing jobs in oak park il, an Olivia De Berardinis creation brought to life in a world that might have been conjured by the combined psyches of Brian de Palma and Bob Guccione. I don’t quite have the nerve to give it a full recommendation but I do have a certain affection for it and I wouldn’t want to discourage anyone from seeing it for themselves if they were inclined to do so.