Advice from Paradise #1

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Q: Hi,

I’m talking to a girl who lives about 1800 miles away. We have a agreement that when she moves back after summer we will officially start dating. We haven’t kissed or had sex yet but I’m already in love with her. I told her and she didn’t say it back. She said she will say it when she means it. I respect that but it makes me feel like shit. How should I go about this knowing she doesn’t love me back?

A: Love comes fast to some, slow to others. You don’t have to move at the same pace to arrive at the same place, you feel me? I am happy that you aren’t moving somewhere far for her—just let her move back, and try to take it slow. Don’t put pressure on the situation. It seems reasonable that she hasn’t said “I love you” when you haven’t even had the physical connection yet.

My uncle once told me that when his parents were ‘courting’ (in the 1900’s), they would call each other and the operator would make them hold for 20 minutes while they routed their call through all these cities… Often they’d come back on the line and say the other person didn’t answer. Nowadays we want things to happen fast and have immediate gratification, but love is the force that you just can’t force! So try and have an open and free heart, meaning, give up some of the power and pressure and just BE. And she will love you!

Listen to John Legend’s “Ordinary People” (Sorry but I actually like this song)

Q: Hello,

So I’ve known this guy for years. In the past he’s called me beautiful and paid me a lot of other compliments… Well, recently he’s been showing a lot of interest in me and I was positive he liked me, but he never verbally said so, so I never reciprocated interest. Today my cousin said he had a first date with some girl. I was visiting my cousin, when he came home (they’re roomies). My cousin asked how his date went. He saw me, acted uneasy, and tried to brush off the question with “good”. He said nothing about her, his “date”.

Okay so my question is, what should I do now if I’m still interested?

A: So the hope is that he probably went on a date cuz ‘why not’ you know?

in order for this thing to move forward, you should definitely start reciprocating with ‘signs’ that you like him back. if, in a week or a week and a half, he doesn’t make more of a definitive move like asking you out, you have two options: ask your cousin if he’s heard anything. (I mean he’s practically a built-in spy for you.) Or, simply and nonchalantly ask this boy, “do we like each other? what’s going on?” I mean, at some point SOMEONE has to do something, or else two shy people will like each other for infinity, like parallel lines, and nothing will ever happen! And that would be a tragedy. ; ) Good luck!

Listen to Linda Ronstadt’s cover of The Exciters’ “Tell Him”

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