Q: Dear Nedelle, I’m a thirty something guy who is only now starting to date for the first time. The impulse to date right now primarily comes from a desire to meet more people, gain experience, learn to hold intimacy with a loose but sensitive hand. Only two dates into my experiment I met a guy who I have a great time chatting with (our first two dates we talked until the bars kicked us out) who I find adorable (maybe not sexy?) and who doesn’t fit my pre-formed idea of “lover” or whatever. Go!

A: Hi! Consider yourself very lucky for a variety of reasons: You met someone you like right off the bat. That is truly a modern day miracle. Pre-formed ideas are so prudish, and need to go straight out the window. You should definitely explore this relationship.

Also, you’re lucky that you started dating at such a wise age. Hopefully you know yourself well by now, and can approach this new era of your life with an assuredness that you wouldn’t have if you were in your early-twenties. That’s the age in which you collect messy situations, awkward memories, and regret like mold to a sponge. Sure, those aren’t useless experiences, and if anything they could be considered necessary rites of passage, but don’t fear! Being an adult doesn’t make you exempt from all of the treacheries of dating. We’re all just poor lil’ lab rats in an experiment conducted by a mad scientist named Lust. (Whoa, where’d that one come from?)

I digress. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Join some dating sites, get out there, and if it starts to feel tiring, leave it alone for a while. And please practice safe sex! Good luck and lots of love. XO Nedelle

Song recommendation: You’re Still a Young Man by Tower of Power

Q: Hello Nedelle, So I currently live in LA and my boyfriend of 3 years moved to Philly and basically does think that talking on the phone is working out mostly bc he HATES the phone. he claims it makes him anxious and stressed out . he suggested more emails, skype, and writing lettters, however he wants this to not be everyday. So if he claims to want to keep a long distance relationship dont we need day to day interaction? and how should i break it off over the phone? Thanks

A: Hello! In a long-distance relationship, the poor phone bears a huge burden- the responsibility of facilitating contact in order to keep love alive! And simultaneously, the user feels burdened by the object. Who really wants to talk on the phone? Such a lame substitute for the real thang. One would rather eat a burrito or cut their toenails than just sit there, trying to make out the fuzzy words of their loved one. Do you know what he means when he says phone calls make him anxious and stressed? Because that would be interesting to know. Does skyping improve his anxiety? Is he going to deliver on his idea of emailing more? Cuz that would definitely be romantic.
So, in regards to him wanting to thin out contact between you two, the best case scenario is that he’s trying to spare you the unfulfilling life of “living for the phone call.” And, to play devil’s advocate a bit more, there is no rule about how often you should be in contact. Once a day seems reasonable, but so does three times a week. You know? Quality not quantity. Phone sex is quality, for example. : )
Ok, so the worst case scenario is that he’s trying to drift away from you on purpose, and he’s not telling you directly. Or, he is just kinda selfish, and needs even more time and space than those 3000 miles affords him.
If you decide to try and make it work, you have to agree upon a system that pleases you both. If you can’t agree, and one person is left unsatisfied and neglected, then maybe it’s best to take this time apart to actually BE apart, and regroup. Good luck, honey! (West Coast 4 Lyfe!)

Song Recommendation: I Ain’t Mad Atcha by Tupac