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Dec 09, 2015 Jarvis Cocker By Christopher Roberts Photography by Sophie Etchart

Pulp’s Jarvis Cocker has written a letter to Father Christmas (aka Santa Claus) and asked for a 1960s Batman mask, cashmere underpants, sexy glasses, an electric car, and a “guided missile that only kills evil people & leaves nice people completely unscathed.”

Cocker has taken part in the Letters of Noel project, put together by Letters Live (an offshoot of the book Letters of Note), in which celebrities write letters to Father Christmas. Below, via NME, is Cocker’s letter. Click through to NME to see the original handwritten note. Radiohead’s Thom Yorke also wrote one, which you can read here. And visit the Letters Live website for more letters to Father Christmas, including one from Benedict Cumberbatch (“P.S. Please could I have that lightsaber now?”).

Jarvis Cocker’s Letter to Father Christmas:

Dear Santa,

1. Replacement hubcaps for 1986 Chrysler Town & Country
2. Pot noodle
3. Satsuma
4. Guided missile that only kills evil people & leaves nice people completely unscathed (see British MOD for details)
5. Cords with 32” waist, 35” leg & 15” flare
6. Batman mask (60’s version)
7. Spiralizer
8. Vox repeater guitar pedal
9. Reverse-action SodaStream (for de-carbonising atmosphere - should work shouldn’t it? & then we could fire all the captured CO2 out into space in the form of “cosmic burps”)
10. Blind faith
11. Personal wifi & network coverage “cold-spot” (dunno if this has been invented yet - but it ought to have been)
12. Sheffield Wednesday season ticket
13. Cashmere underpants
14. Sexy glasses
15. Remote-control suitcase
16. Easy chair
17. Difficult chair
18. Portable rowing boat
19. Cuddly toy
20. Jeremy Corbyn’s fishing hat
21. Driving gloves
22. Noise-free record turntable
23. Fur-lined blinkers
24. Electric car (with removable batteries so existing motorway service stations can be converted into battery-exchange stations & you don’t have to leave the car plugged in all night which is a bit of a ball-ache)

Cheers, Jarvis x

PS: chimney has been cleaned - jackdaw nest removed. Mince pie, carrot & Bailey’s in usual spot. Please take care on new carpet.