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Jul 07, 2016 By Stephen Mayne Web Exclusive

The opening minute of Bachelor Games finds a haggard man undergoing questioning. He’s not listening; too busy providing a dramatic scene-setting voiceover. Unfortunately, he decides to end on the less-than-immortal line, “everybody’s got a plan, until you get punched in the face.” Stupid though it may be, it proves apt for a British survival horror that manages to muster the odd moment of tension in amongst the ridiculous.

One thing’s for sure, if any European countries are worried about the UK’s recent decision to leave the EU, take solace in this: by walking away from the rest of the continent, it might now be easier to stop the likes of Henry (Jack Gordon) and his stag blighting picturesque European cities. Luckily for most of the world, this lot took themselves off to remote Argentina. The plan, after some heavy drinking, is a hike into wilderness stalked by an ancient folk figure called The Hunter. Needless to say, it doesn’t go entirely as expected, though when you find out just what this bunch of idiots were planning, it’s hardly a surprise.

That they are idiots is a fact hammered home repeatedly, whether the film means to or not. What we have here is Leon (Charlie Bewley) the unstoppable sex machine, Max (Obi Abili) the one non-Brit who also happens to be an unhinged military lunatic, Roy (Mike Noble) the thoroughly subjugated husband, and Terence (Jack Doolan) the flash cokehead. At least they have a character quirk. Henry is left with nothing.

As befits the traditional stag do, and a film that doesn’t seem to think too kindly of the opposite sex, it’s an almost entirely male affair. Women are either shrewish ball-busters or disposable sex objects. Eyeing up one of the staff at their country cabin, Terence delightfully remarks, “I’d like to chop that in half like a bit of firewood.” Perhaps it’s all a wonderful ploy to make us long for their comeuppance, something they get in abundance in the second half.\

Not before executing one of the dumbest twists of recent times though. Before everything unravels, it turns out one of this motley crew has come up with a plan so elaborate and pointless it defies belief. Once that’s out the way, there’s genuine tension in the final moments as a mysterious creature stalks them around dusty hills, punishing past transgressions. Some of these have to be made up on the spot but narrative coherency is not Bachelor Games’ strength. Scares just about are. While not enough to save the day, outright disaster is at least averted.

www.bachelorgamesmovie.com

Author rating: 3.5/10